How to support children when a prominent public figure dies suddenly

When a public figure dies suddenly, it can be hard to understand. There may be lots of different information in the media, some of which can be confusing or sometimes even inaccurate.  Or information may be updated and change quite quickly.   It can feel like you can’t get away from the news, with everyone talking about it. 

This might bring up memories for children and young people about what it was like for them when someone important to them died. Some of the things being talked about in the media may be similar to their own experiences.  It’s important to try and talk with your children about what has happened, being as factual as you’re able to be.

We know that news like the death of a young pop star, for example, can trigger memories and emotions that can be hard to face. Here are some tips that can help you to support your child.

Following the death of anyone, children can become worried that the same is going to happen to other important people in their lives. It can be helpful to reassure children, where possible that this isn’t about to happen. It is important, however, not to make impossible promises.

We have guidance sheets on our website here, which share things to be considerate of in this situation. Use clear and concise language. Avoid using words or phrases like ‘loss’ or ‘gone away’. Although it can feel a bit clinical, using factual words like ‘death’ and ‘died’ can be a lot clearer and easier to understand for children.

Children may have lots of questions about what has happened.  Whilst a lot of questions might happen immediately, sometimes it can be a while after the event that more questions are asked. This is the same when anyone important to your child dies.  Everyone has their own ways of dealing with death, and we all work on different time frames when we process news which is hard to understand.  Children particularly can react to grief quite differently to adults, and might show outward signs of grief one minute and the next they are playing happily with a sibling again.

Children look to their parents, carers, teachers to help them understand what has happened. They need support to understand why they are feeling how they do. It’s important to share with children and young people that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, upset about the death of someone significant, and that it can be helpful to talk with an adult about how they’re feeling. It is equally helpful for children and young people to be told that everyone grieves in their own way, and that there’s no right or wrong about how they feel.

If you would like to talk with one of the team here at Guy’s Gift to find out how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please get in touch by calling 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk

International Women's Day 2024 - #InspireInclusion

How do we #InspireInclusion here at Guy’s Gift?

Inclusion is at the heart of what we’re about at Guy’s Gift. We’re invested in supporting women and girls to achieve the best outcomes, and providing a safe space for them to explore their emotions. This empowers girls to make choices that encourage success.

Within our staff team, we celebrate the diversity of our employees and volunteers. We recognise that diversity brings strength. We learn from one another and promote sharing of ideas to grow and to know that we provide a top class support for those children and families who come to Guy’s Gift after a loved one has died.

I spoke with some of the team here about what resources they use with children and young people to celebrate inclusion. Many of the favourite books the team use, empower girls and help them to recognise what they can achieve. We’ve shared a few of these favourites below.

Others in the team spoke about recognising leaders in the field of childhood bereavement. Those who passionately campaign for support for children and young people, and those who share their personal stories of grief so that their story may help others who are experiencing similar things. We know that sharing their story with others can help children and young people to navigate their grief, and to recognise that they are not the only ones experiencing this. Historically, death and dying hasn’t been talked about enough. It has been a taboo, which has led to deeper isolation in difficult times.  Sharing your story can be tough! So we thank those who are able to speak out and share their story in a way that is supportive of others and enabling children and young people to see positive role models.

We’re proud of the women in our team here at Guy’s Gift, and those in leadership roles who guide the charity to achieve top class support for bereaved children and young people. 75% of our board of trustees are women; women who give their time, expertise and experience to Guy’s Gift.

Children's Grief Awareness Week 2023

It’s Children’s Grief Awareness Week this week (16th - 22nd November), and we’ve held ‘Sharing Shape’ activities in the run up to the week again.

The Sharing Shapes activity is hosted by the Childhood Bereavement Network, and it’s a national activity which brings together bereaved children and young people across the UK to create a shared piece of artwork. This year, the theme is ‘The Shape of Your Support’ and we asked children and young people to share with us who or what supports them with their grief. This has opened up conversations about what support can look like and how different people can offer different ways to support at different times.

Below, you’ll see the shapes which have been shared with us so far (and shared for the national mural too). If you’d like to complete this activity with your child, or a child in your care then we’d love to see what they come up with too!

Guy's Gift: 15th Anniversary

At the end of 2023, Guy’s Gift will have been providing bereavement support and counselling across Coventry and Warwickshire for 15 years.  During this time, we have supported over 3000 children and young people who have experienced the death of someone important to them.

As we head towards this milestone, we would like to invite you to come up with fundraising ideas around the theme ‘15’. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Set up a regular donation of £15 to Guy’s Gift. By heading over to our Just Giving Campaign

2. Complete a 15km run or walk

3. Give something you love up for 15 days (chocolate, favourite takeaway,…) and aim to raise £150 in the process.

4. Get a group of 15 friends together to compete in an event. This could be a garden sports day in the summer.

5. Hold a sponsored static bike event with a groups of friends, and take it in shifts to keep cycling for 15 hours.

We can’t wait to see what wonderful ideas you come up with, and don’t forget to let us know what you’re up to so we can ‘shout out’ about it too.

All fundraising pages can be set up and linked to our special 15th Anniversary campaign page here: https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/15thAnniversary

For more information, help setting up a Just Giving page, or to let us know what fundraising you’re up to, get in touch with us at fundraising@guysgift.co.uk

Children's Grief Awareness Week 2022

Children’s Grief Awareness Week 2022 is running from 17th-23rd November. The theme this year is ‘What helps?’ and along with many other children’s bereavement support organisations and charities across the UK we have been asking children and young people to take part in a ‘Sharing Shapes’ activity.

This activity has given everyone the opportunity to tell us what helps them when they’re grieving, or dealing with lots of tricky emotions after someone important to them has died. Many children and young people have told us that it’s really good to think that someone else will see their sharing shape and it might help them too. So this activity in itself has also helped!

Sophie, one of our Community Based Counsellors, told us that looking through photos and sharing memories with her family helps her.

Over the course of the week we will be sharing what the children and young people accessing support with Guy’s Gift have told us works for them. Maybe there will be some strategies and ideas which will work for you and your family, or maybe you’d like to share your own ‘Sharing Shape’ with us? You can find the resource here if you’d like to take part. Simply complete your sharing shape and then send it over to us at info@guysgift.co.uk to be included in the gallery.

To view a mural of sharing shapes created by others across the whole of the UK, take a look at the Childhood Bereavement Network wesbite: https://childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/about-cbn/childrens-grief-awareness-week/sharing-shapes-mural - can you spot yours?

Speaking with children following the death of a prominent public figure

Along with the rest of the country, we’re saddened upon hearing the news of the death of HRH Queen Elizabeth II.

The death of someone in the public eye can impact us all. This might be the first time a child is experiencing a death, or it might bring up feelings and emotions of previous bereavement. This will be different for everyone, but can feel quite confusing.

When someone in the public eye, especially as prominent as the Queen dies, the news coverage is significant. Everyone is talking about it.  So, it can be helpful for you to talk with your children about this too, to help them to understand. Following the death of the Queen, the country goes into 10 days of national mourning, leading up to the funeral. The funeral is likely to be heavily televised.

Following the death of anyone, children can become worried that the same is going to happen to other important people in their lives. It can be helpful to reassure children, where possible that this isn’t about to happen. It is important, however, not to make impossible promises.

We have guidance sheets on our website here, which share things to be considerate of in this situation. Use clear and concise language. Avoid using words or phrases like ‘loss’ or ‘gone away’. Although it can feel a bit clinical, using factual words like ‘death’ and ‘died’ can be a lot clearer and easier to understand for children.

Children may have lots of questions about the Queen’s death. These questions may crop up very quickly after they hear the news, or they may think about it for a while and ask questions later. This is true also when anyone important in your child’s life dies. Everyone reacts differently to these things, after all. Children particularly can react to grief quite differently to adults, and might show outward signs of grief one minute and the next they are playing happily with a sibling again.

Children will look to significant adults around them to help in understanding what has happened and why they are feeling how they are. It’s helpful for children to know that it’s okay for them to talk with you about their feelings. It can also help for them to hear that everyone grieves differently, in their own way and on their own timeframe too. This is perfectly normal, and okay. You might also like to share how the news has affected you. This can help to normalise these feelings.

If you would like to talk with one of the team here at Guy’s Gift to find out how we can offer support for grieving children and young people, please get in touch by calling 0845 467 3035 or email info@guysgift.co.uk

My Sisters Are NOT Good At Wrestling

We were excited to receive a copy of ‘My Sisters Are Not Good At Wrestling’ by Abimbola Shotade recently. This beautifully illustrated book has been written by a local mum of three, whose husband died when the children were young. The story follows E.J. as he takes a special tour with his dad, which helps him to process and answer some of his questions about death and what happens next.

We asked Abi to share with us her inspiration for the book, and what it means to her and her family. She said:

“Over a year into our grief journey my son, had a dream that his daddy Elijah visited him in the night while we were sleeping and took him on this magical tour of heaven. He recounted everything in the morning to me and it sounded so beautiful. But there were mixed emotions, such as sadness because we wished Elijah was still here but we were also so comforted because we felt the dream was a message saying to us that he was OK and that we will meet again. 

This was the inspiration behind the picture book ‘My sisters are not good at wrestling’. E.J share’s his story, starting with his frustrations that his sisters are not good at wrestling, as they prefer to play dress up and E.J is fed up of it. He misses his wrestling partner, daddy. 

One evening daddy visits E.J and they go on a special tour that gives E.J insight to where our loved ones go when they die. E.J enjoys this experience and finds it easier to say goodbye accepting the reality of daddy’s death. 

It is our heart that those who have suffered the loss of a loved one may find some comfort from reading this story and will grieve and process their grief with hope. 

We also share some resources around children who have been bereaved can be supported, as a guide for parents or caregivers. This book can be a great tool to begin discussions around such a difficult topic.”

It is a well-known fact that we love sharing books, here at Guy’s Gift. As Abi says, books can be a fantastic way for children and young people to make some sense of challenging experiences.  We use books covering lots of different topics around death and dying, and books which include different beliefs and understandings of what happens when a loved one dies.

For more information about Abi and her book, take a look at her website: https://ineveryseason.co.uk where she also shares podcast posts covering topics around grief and loss.
You can also keep up to date with ‘In Every Season’ on Instagram and YouTube.