Sophie joined the team here at Guy’s Gift on 17th March 2020. No sooner had Sophie started, before everything changed and she wasn’t able to head out to begin meeting with children and young people as intended. Whilst she’s unable to begin those sessions, Sophie has shared her thoughts about 5 books she thinks are great for reading with children and young people who have experienced the death of someone important.
You can read Sophie’s thoughts below:
Looking for some inspiration from a new source? I wanted to share with you my five favourite books for children when someone special has died and what I think is great about them.
As a child, I found books a fantastic escapism into a world of adventure. When we think of books about death, we might think they would be too gloomy and morbid for children. However, these stories have captured love and loss in an age-appropriate way. They are a great way of helping children to understand and process their grief. Relating to characters who have also lost someone can help children feel less alone with their feelings. A lot of the time just reading something and thinking “I feel like that too” can be a huge help.
Books can also be a great talking point within families, often helping us all to express our feelings about what can be a difficult or even taboo subject. These books can be returned to time and time again (much like any other bedtime favourite). As a parent/carer, it is helpful to familiarise yourself with the book before sharing it with a child. Not only are you less likely to be caught off-guard by how poignant the words can sometimes be, but it can also help you to take your own message from the book. They are all beautifully illustrated, and the pictures themselves speak a thousand words. I hope this provides some insight into some fantastic sources that are out there and when they might be useful.
The Heart and the Bottle
By Oliver Jeffers
ISBN: 9780007182343
Published: 2010
The Heart and the Bottle beautifully captures the curiosity and wonder of childhood. The theme of love and loss, represented through the ‘empty chair’, leaves the little girl feeling unsure of what to do. She places her heart in a bottle to protect it. Over time, the bottle kept around her neck becomes heavy and awkward (similar to bottled up feelings). She loses her sense of wonder and the world around her seems very empty. With the help of a smaller girl who is still curious, they are able to take her heart out of the bottle. With her heart back where it belongs, the little girl finds that the world no longer seems so empty, and neither does the chair.
I think this is a wonderful story as children can bottle up their emotions when someone special dies. This happens for a whole number of different reasons, they might not want to worry their parents who might already have a lot on their plate, or they often don’t want to seem different to their peers. The confusion and emptiness felt by the little girl will be familiar to many bereaved children. An important message to take from this story is the fact that the little girl turned to someone else for help. It is okay to feel scary and confusing emotions, and sharing them with someone else can make you feel better. It can help children see that it is good to talk.
Mum’s Jumper
By Jayde Perkin
ISBN: 9781911496137
Published: 2019
Mum’s Jumper accurately depicts the loneliness of grief. Like a dark cloud following you around, or trying to swim to a shore that never gets nearer. It illustrates how difficult it can be to concentrate on anything after losing a loved one and how exhausting these emotions can be. The book is centred around Mum’s jumper, a special object which brings comfort. The way the daughter grows into Mum’s jumper symbolises the way she grows into her grief. Her grief stays the same size, but her world gets bigger around it. My favourite theme in this book is that it shows how grief doesn’t just get better over time. At times, grief can feel worse than others, and that’s okay. A child will always feel the loss of their loved one, but their world will continue to grow around them.
I think this book could bring comfort to a child struggling to see how things can get better. It is a beautiful balance between the encompassing feelings of immediate grief and then how life continues to grow. It is never a case of just ‘getting over’ someone special who has died. This story can provide hope and reassurance where it is needed.
The Elephant In the Room
by Amanda Edwards and Leslie Pinciano
ISBN: 9781492793243
Published: 2014
The well-known idiom ‘the elephant in the room’ applies to talking about death, particularly around children. This book has several wonderful attributes, but my favourite part is the first page.
“Things may feel different, and things may have changed, as though the world has been rearranged”.
This is paired with clever illustrations of a house where the shelves contents are all jumbled and the photo frames are upside down. It perfectly captures how losing someone special is a huge change to a child’s life. It portrays how home life might be completely different, and how this change can be scary and confusing for children.
The story is written as if it were the person who has died is speaking, which I think is something that children might find comfort in. It provides effective coping strategies, written in a way that children can understand. The use of elephants instead of people keeps a distance from reality which some children might prefer, and the use of rhyme makes it an enjoyable read.
No Matter What
by Debi Gliori
ISBN:9780747563310
Published: 2002
Similar to The Elephant in the Room, No Matter What features animal characters. ‘Large’ and ‘Small’ are foxes that represent a parent and child. Small is on a journey to explore unconditional love. Small has lots of questions, particularly about separation through death and the ongoing nature of special relationships. Large does not know how to answer some of these tricky questions.
He responds “Oh help. I’m not that clever, I just know I’ll love you forever”.
I think this is an extremely important aspect of the story as children tend to ask lots of questions when someone has died, as they formulate a story of what has happened. As adults, we don’t always have the answers to these questions and that’s okay.
This book finishes on a beautiful analogy. It illustrates how love is like starlight, it never dies. To me, this means that although you can no longer see someone who has died, you can always remember the way they have made you feel with their love.
If all the world were…
by Joseph Coelho and Alison Colpoys
ISBN: 9781786030597
Published: 2018
This is a beautifully illustrated story of a little girl and her Grandad. Together, they explore the fascination and delight of the world around them. This is captured through the illustrations of spring time flowers and wild animals.
When her Grandad dies, he leaves her a special scrapbook. The little girl uses her imagination to picture what she would wish the world to be like with him still here. She writes and draws the memories they have made together in her scrapbook. This story shows how creativity can help to keep special memories alive. It is important to remember how valuable activities such as scrapbooks and memory boxes can help children to cope with their loss of a loved one.
Post by Sophie Peel
